


A Shot in the Dark

by ForeverHuffies, Naminaee



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys In Love, Child Abuse, Dorks in Love, Eventual Smut, Homophobia, M/M, TsukiHina, dark themes, happy endings!, we promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:36:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverHuffies/pseuds/ForeverHuffies, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naminaee/pseuds/Naminaee
Summary: Hinata propels himself from the swing, looking back over his shoulder at Tsukishima with sad eyes and a bright smile. Despite the bittersweet kiss it brings, the sight of Hinata flying through the air is so natural. It's the same look Hinata wears as he soars above the volleyball net.Like he wants to leave it all behind, like he’s running from something.But maybe, just maybe – where he’s running too…Tsukishima can go too.





	A Shot in the Dark

Cold air whisks around and Hinata shivers, a sneeze follows. It’s a tell-tale sign that he needs to move somewhere warmer, yet he stays rooted on the spot.

“Just a little more” Hinata thinks to himself, not caring that he’s getting wet.

Patter, patter, patter, patter

Rain falls in a steady pace, glistening as what little light there is outside shines through. It’s loud as it hits the ground. Yet, it’s not loud enough. Hinata wishes it was though, he wishes that this falling rain was loud enough to pierce his eardrums and beat on his brain, leaving him deaf and incoherent in a silent bliss. At least them he wouldn’t have to hear the shouting.

It never ends these days, from the time he wakes up until he goes to bed. School and sleep seem to be his only escapes.

“SHOUYOU”

A voice booms in Hinata’s ears, it pierces, it stings, it sizzles like electricity around him and he knows he’s been spotted. He hates the voice that is calling him, hates the person who is calling him even more.

Hinata’s father stands on the front step, his face icy with contempt and disappointment. Hinata feels a familiar dull pang in his chest. It used to hurt a lot more, like a red hot knife cutting through butter, it would slash Hinata to the core every time. Now though, it’s just an ache. It hurts, but it doesn’t shock Hinata the way it used to. He’s used to this, which he realises is incredibly sad.

“I swear to god, you little shit”

Hinata’s snapped from his musings and he realises he’s made a big mistake. He’s been frozen in his father’s presence for too long. Fear flashes over his features as his father makes his way to him.

Hinata takes a small step back, swallowing nervously, mistake number two. He feels it in the violent way his father reaches forward and grasps his shirt, bringing his red face close to his own. He can see it in the way his father’s body vibrates silently with a deep rooted anger, he feels it in the way his father seethes through his teeth, spitting words laced with acid in Hinata’s face. The hatred in his eyes is tangible.

“What did I fucking tell you brat?” 

“C-come home straight after practice” Hinata whispers, he doesn’t dare look away from his father’s face.

“You little shit, you’re lucky I even let you inside and here I find you standing around outside” He growls, putrid breath whirls across Hinata’s face.  Each word has a bite to it that seems to chew away a bit of Hinata’s heart more and more. “You disgusting brat—” He stops mid-sentence as he looks up.

The light-hearted voice of two school girls giggling interrupts the next torrent of remarks Hinata’s father is about to make, like he’s suddenly realised his surroundings. His father can’t have anyone witnessing the events that would follow. The Hinata’s are a nice pleasant family, loved by the community – they couldn’t let this image be marred.

So the school girls walk past, skipping in puddles happily, appreciating the rain, completely oblivious to the razor sharp command “Get inside” that was just ushered. They completely miss the sight of Hinata’s father dragging him into the house, his fist twisting in Hinata’s shirt, it chokes him around the neck and he sputters as he’s dragged up the steps and thrown inside, the door slams closed loudly. 

Hinata barely has time to toe his shoes off before his father has pulled him into the living room, he’s thrown onto the floor and he shudders as he looks up at the murderous expression his father wears.

“So, he’s home” A silvery voice speaks. This voice hurts more, it hurts Hinata to hate her. His mother enters the room and her beautiful face is twisted into an ugly grimace. “It’s about time, Shouyou. You’ve been very disrespectful” She spits quietly.

Hintata can’t look her in the face. The third, final mistake.

“Do not look away when we are speaking to you” Hinata’s father roars. He’s gripped him by the hair and Hinata cries out at the pain. The palm of a large hand stings as it slaps his cheek and then he drops to the floor. “You insolent little brat. How dare you ignore what I tell you!”

He’s yelling now and Hinata’s eyes widen in horror as he hears the tiny patter of footsteps coming down the hall.

“Onii-chan, are you home?” A sweet voice calls, delighted. “Why is everyone yelling?”

The door slide open and Hinata opens his mouth.

“Natsu, go back to y—” He’s cut off, winded as a foot connects with his chest. Hard. A shrill scream fills the room.

“ONII-CHAN” Natsu’s screaming. Hinata looks at her tear streamed face as he gasps. Every breath feels like fire as it enter his lungs. Natsu is the apple of Hinata’s eye. She always has been since the moment she was born, and she adored her brother just as much.

Not her, not her, anyone but her.

“Get her out of here” Hinata’s father speaks to her mother. Hinata ignores his father’s glare for moment as tears form in his eyes, he watches in silent sobs as Natsu is dragged out of the room, having to endure this. Again.

Hinata’s parents would never touch Natsu, they love her. Unlike Hinata. Yet, this too much to subject a baby too, Natsu is only five. Tears fall freely down Hinata’s cheeks as he hears Natsu continue to scream down the halls.

“Don’t hurt him! Don’t hurt Oni-chan”

“Look what you’ve done now! How dare you upset your sister!”

The boot connects with Hinata’s hip and he screams in pain. It never ends, he doesn’t relent as his assault on his son continues. Not until, Hinata is left a crumpled mess on the floor. He’s wheezing for air again, his arms wrapped around his rib cage protectively.

“Disgusting faggot” Hinata’s father physically spits on him as he walks out of the room, out into the backyard. The words hurt more than the kicks and the slap on his face. It’s like a branding iron pressed on his forehead. It loops through his brain on repeat. Disgusting faggot. Disgusting faggot.

 _Yes, that’s what I am_ , Hinata thinks to himself.

Hinata isn’t sure how long he’s been curled up on the floor. His father hasn’t comeback, he doesn’t breathe easy though, he can’t when he’s at home.

Light footsteps sound down the hall and enter the room, his mother’s high heeled feet stop in front of his eyes.

“Get up” She says. She never yells like Hinata’s father. Her voice is always quiet, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Hinata struggles to his feet, using the couch to support himself. He staggers down the hall after his mother, following her into the bathroom. He enters first and stops in front of the sink. It’s filled with icy water.

He meets her eyes in the mirror, his own widening with fear and hers narrowing with hatred. Her hand is on his neck and he’s pushed face first in the water, held down by his mother’s surprising strength. Hinata’s mouth opens in a silent scream but only bubbles come out. She lets him up to breath for a second, her hold on the back of Hinata’s neck doesn’t loosen.

“You know why I have to do this right?” She says quietly. “We can’t let that mark on your face bruise”

“Mom, please”

Yet, it’s too late. He’s pushed and held under the water again. It doesn’t stop him from hearing as his mother speaks though.

“Shouyou, we’re doing this because you’re not well. This isn’t normal. You’re sick” She says angrily, her voice never rises though.

Under the water, sounds are muted and Hinata is left alone with his own internal screaming and as he drifts out of consciousness he starts to think.

How did things get this bad? How did he end up in this situation?

 

 

The memory is vivid, and it comes quickly to his mind, like a sudden breath.

He can't exactly say when it started, he's sure he's felt this way for a long time but that day was the wakeup call. The day his body reacted, and his mind went blank.

All he can do is curse in his head. Really, a bunch of teenagers on a volleyball camp, washing themselves in the community baths should've been seen innocent enough. Go, wash yourself and then get out. Simple. Or so it should be.

"Hinata? Hinata?"

"EH? S-sorry, what did you say, Daichi-san?" Hinata says as he realises he’s day dreaming.

_‘Did I just...’_

"Yeah, I asked if I could use your soap, cause I forgot mine” Daichi pauses. “Are you alright?"

 

_‘…Check his body out?’_

"Y-yeah, I'm good" _Way too good,_ his mind speaks. "Here, you can use it, I’ve finished already" He says, looking down.

"Your face is all red, are you getting sick? I hope I didn't push you too hard"

 He can push all he wants, for all he cares.

 _‘...Oh my god, did he really think like that? Damn, what the hell is wrong with me?_ ‘

"It's fine, Daichi-san! I can handle the training!" What the hell is he thinking? He has to go. He needs to get out of here before another inopportune thought crosses his mind.

"Is your body sore? I can give you massag-"

"Yes,I'msureandI'llgonow,bye." Hinata says in one breath, stumbling over himself as he leaves.

 _‘Not another word, please_ ’ he prays.

Thankfully the changing room is empty, and he starts putting on his pyjamas. He tries not to think so hard, but it's no use. What was that? He’s never felt so overwhelmed in his life. One minute he was cleaning himself in peace and then he was feeling this. Sensations. Self-consciousness. Curiosity. All with one look.

He’s burning up, feeling weird in a very good way, a feeling of anticipation, something he has been waiting to realise for a long time. He remembers the body of his team mate - his toned chest, his tanned skin, and... Oh, those arms, they looked so strong-

And now he really needs to stop. This train of thought is dangerous, he knows. But he can't help it. His stupid heart won't calm down and he's sure his cheeks are going to explode from the amount of blood rushing to his face. He feels hot all over. Covering his eyes, he takes long breaths in an attempt to cool down, but the burn, the tickle in his stomach, the captain's low voice and that shapely body is all his senses can remember.

He bites his lower lip.

 _‘I have to fix this’_ he thinks to himself.

This is not happening.

 

Hinata’s mother leaves him in the bathroom, his orders are to wash and then go straight to his room.

He’s thankful for a bit of space. Hinata strips and moves into the bath. He hisses as he sinks down into the water. The warmness of the water is both a welcome relief and an instigator of the ache from his bruises. His whole body hurts, practice tomorrow will be hell.

Hinata is careful as he washes his body, gingerly rubbing the loofah over his sore body. Across his chest is particularly tender, faint lilac marks bloom across his skin, he knows that tomorrow they’ll be a royal purple, maybe closer to black. His cheek still stings from the slap but the red mark is now pink, it won’t bruise. It’s one less thing that his father will be angry at him for.

Hinata moves out of the bath slowly, staggering. He sits down on the stool in the bathroom and proceeds to wash his hair, he winces as he raises his arms to work the shampoo and conditioner out of his hair.

Once he’s finished and he knows he has a few minutes to spare before his mother returns, knocking on the door to remind him to hurry up, he keeps the water running and allows his shoulders to rise, ducking his head into the neck, arms around his waist and he lets the tears fall for a few minutes.

Hinata’s quiet sobs are drowned out by the running water, for which he feels thankful.

It’s getting hard to keep this mask on. Meek at home, happy and carefree at school. Which is the real Hinata?

He’s wiped his eyes as his mother knocks on the door, like clockwork.

“Shouyou, hurry up” The icy voice calls quietly beyond the door.

“I’ll be out in a minute”

She doesn’t bother to reply. Hinata dresses quickly and steps out of the bathroom, his mother is waiting. She grabs his wrist and tugs him violently down the hall before pushing him into his bedroom.

“Don’t come out. I don’t want to see your face. I’ll leave your dinner outside the door”

Hinata doesn’t say anything as the door clicks closed behind him, he collapses on his bed both physically and mentally exhausted. His father has been quiet down stairs so it’s unlikely that he’ll come bother Hinata again tonight. He lets out a sigh of relief.

A wave of tiredness crashes into Hinata again, dinner could wait, he needs to sleep, his body cries out in support. Hinata doesn’t even bother to turn back his sheets, he just rolls onto his back and lies tin soldier, its an easy position to rest his sore limbs. Sleep is an old friend that Hinata embraces with open arms. It doesn’t take long for him to lull into a peaceful slumber.

Visions flash across the back of his eyelids and the memory ensnares him, all encompassing.

White sneakers squeak across the gym floor as Hinata lands.

His entire body aches, muscles screaming in protest but it’s pleasant, it’s feels tangible, kind of like a medal or trophy, it shows how hard Hinata has been working, that all his efforts are paying off. Practice has been especially tense these last few weeks, it’s in the lead up to the Spring High prelims and no one wants a repeat on the Inter-high tournament.

“One more” Hinata calls to Yamaguchi who is throwing passes to Kageyama, the pair is working on their quick spike. Which is old news for the pair, it’s like walking or breathing, it requires no thought on their part.

Especially for Kageyama, which is something Hinata admires his best friend fiercely for. Volleyball seems to flow through his blood stream and while all the boys on the team seemed to live, breathe and eat volleyball, Kageyama was different, practically a prodigy, like the sport is interwoven in his being.

Hinata isn’t bad either, he’s come a long way for someone who really only started to play properly this school year. Sure, he’s still a bit rough around the edges and he’s doesn’t have the mindset for strategy that some of his other team mates might have. Hinata however possess amazing instinct and his jump…his jump that leaves everyone in awe and even sends tremors of fear into the most intimidating of opponents. Pair him with Kageyama and their freakish quick spike and Hinata is not one to be overlooked.

He’s proven himself to be a worthy team mate many times over. He’s no prodigy but Hinata is one hell of a player.

“Ready for another one” Hinata grins at Kageyama.

“One more, then break” Kageyama says, his brows furrowed and his mouth in a small frown. Kageyama isn’t as carefree as Hinata, he’s even more serious during practice. He nods to Asahi who serves the ball, its passed easily to Kageyama who sets up the ball perfectly for Hinata.

Like well-oiled gears in a cog they work together expertly and no sooner has the ball left Kageyama’s finger tips that Hinata is racing across the court, leaping into the air. He has utmost trust in the setter and he knows that Kageyama has already predicted where Hinata will jump.

It’s probably Hinata’s favourite thing in the world, being in the air, the height of the jump. If he could turn into a crow and fly away Hinata probably would. To look over the top of the net, to meet taller players eye to eye, to show everyone that he is a force to be reckoned with is one Hinata’s favourite feelings.

 It’s like having your head in the clouds, he’s weightless, almost giddy. Hinata’s hand is a blur as he spikes the ball clean over the net. He lands gracefully and turns to Kageyama with a raised palm, they hi-five, grinning at each other before they make their way over to the bench where Yachi is sitting, water bottles and cold towels ready.

“Good work” She smiles, there’s still a nervous tone to her voice. Yachi’s still finding her footing as the co-manager of the volleyball team, she’s terrified really. At the end of the school year Shimizu would be graduating and Yachi would be on her own. She’s okay around the more carefree players but the third years still intimidate her a bit.

Hinata takes to water bottle and gulps down the liquid greedily, letting out a sigh of relief after he’s sculled the whole bottle. He reaches for another.

“Woah, calm down there Hinata” Hinata splutters out his water as he’s clapped on the back. He looks over his shoulder to see  Tsukishima, who’s smiling gently at his smaller teammate.

“He is beauty, he is grace” Kageyama’s squawk like laugher fills the gym. Yamaguchi and Yachi don’t hold back their laugher, Tsukishima sniggers.

“Baka-yama!” Hinata spits, glaring at his best friend.

Hinata’s red in the face, you can practically see the steam rising from his bright orange hair. He’s a mess of limbs and angry facial expressions as he spits insults at Kageyama. Hinata’s funny like that, always so expressive, full of energy, responsive to everything,

Tsukishima admires that about him.

Kageyama is quick to hurl back more insults and the pair act like idiots before Kageyama’s finally has enough and he storms over to practice with Tanaka and Nishinoya.

Hinata pouts, chewing the inside of his cheek and Tsukishima can’t help but join in. He’s not as nasty as Kageyama when he picks on Hinata though, his tone is usually playful. Tsukishima finishes his drink, passing the bottle back to Yachi.

In passing he pinches Hinata’s cheek gently.

“I didn’t know you were so cute when you were mad” Tsukishima takes great joy in how red Hinata turns. Whether it’s from embarrassment or anger he isn’t sure but Tsukishima isn’t willing to get into the firing line of one very agitated red head so he takes the curse words Hinata throws around as his cue to exit.

Dejected, Hinata grumbles as he sits down next to Yachi, stretching out his tired legs and not quite ready to return to practice.

“Cheer up Hinata, you know Kageyama-kun only does that because you’re so quick to react” Yachi says, standing to her feet. Shimizu calls her across the gym. “Hinata, if you’re not ready to return to practice yet would you mind filling up those water bottles for me?”

Hinata sighs and grabs the drink bottle carrier, exiting the gym and heading to the nearby trough. He sets about his task quickly, filling up the drink bottles with cold water.

“Stupid Baka-yama, I don’t see why he has to pick on me so much. Some best friend he is. The same with everyone else, do I just have a giant target on my back-“ Hinata sneers to himself.

“Kags giving you trouble again” A friendly voice calls over his shoulder. Hinata turns to look, Asahi is approaching and…

HOLY CRAP.

He’s shirtless.

That familiar feeling starts to bubble and spread throughout his body. Similar to what he had felt when he had looked at Daichi at the public washroom. He’s burning again, his blood simmering in his veins. He’s on fire, warmth pooling in his cheeks and he’s sure he’s blushing.

“You’re all red in the face. Pushing yourself?” Asahi smiles, stopping in front of Hinata.

“S-something like that” Hinata mumbles, averting his eyes. “Can I help you with anything, Senpai?”

_Don’t look!_

“Yeah, I was trying to chase you up for one of those water bottles”

“Oh, here” Hinata tries to keep his eyes averted as he passes the water bottle to the third year. Yet, he can’t keep his eyes off him.

He watches as Asahi wraps his lips around the bottle, his throat moving as he gulps down a few sips, water trickling out of the sides of his mouth. Hinata could just reach up and lick-

_Shut up brain!_

Yet, despite his internal yelling Hinata can’t stop his sideways glance and he certainly can’t stop staring when Asahi lifts the bottle over his head and lets the water fall down his body. Asahi’s body could honestly have been built by the gods, it’s so heavenly. He’s muscular and built, yet still lean.

The warmth is almost palpable now, it was a warm day outside but Hinata was feels  like he’s been locked in a sauna for an hour.

He unconsciously finds himself watching the water as it falls over Asahi’s hair, down his lips, over his chin, it flows down his neck, down his muscular chest. It drizzles tantalizingly over his abs and drips down, down…past his navel…droplets catching on the hair that leads down to Asahi’s –

_WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WERE YOU REALLY JUST ABOUT TO STARE AT HIS…._

Hinata luckily is smart enough to realise he needs to divert his eyes as Asahi opens his own.

“Cooled down?” Hinata squeaks.

“Yeah, feeling much better” Asahi smiles. “Need any help with those?” Hinata is quick to respond.

“No, no. I’m nearly finished. Thanks though, Senpai”

Asahi ruffles Hinata’s hair before he jogs back to the gym. Hinata’s eyes linger after him, appreciating his strong legs and sturdy back that leads down his nice as-

“What is this?” Hinata groans, rubbing his head in his hands. The confusion makes his head spin.

Hinata shakes his head, determined to shoo away any lingering thoughts. He picks up the water bottle carrier and returns to the gym, chewing on his lower lip.

He’s scared, not quite sure what these emotions are.

 Suspecting, but not quite willing to confirm.

The next few days are the same for Hinata, sweating, _glistening_ teenage boys move around the court during practice and Hinata tries not to notice, tries to suppress his lingering emotions. It’s not like he’s attracted to all of them. Hinata’s not that kind of person, it’s like the more he pulls away from these feelings, the more they try to push back.

“Hinata, have you not noticed?” Yamaguchi says to him one day after practice.

“What?” Hinata says, mouth stuffed full of tangerine slices.

“Those girls are back again” He says, pointing over his shoulder. Hinata swallows as he looks where Yamaguchi is pointing and indeed there is a gaggle of girls standing by the door….all staring at Hinata.

_What the heck!_

The third years were usually the ones that garnered the attention of groupies. Female attention was usually lost on Hinata. Yachi didn’t count, she was just a friend and Shimizu tended to mother Hinata a bit (much to the frustration of Tanaka and Nishinoya – they want to be _‘mothered’_ too, that didn’t really count either but these girls, they were _blushing_ and _giggling_ at Hinata.

“Yeah! Chibi! What’s the deal?” The bald headed second year yells, pulling Hinata into a head lock, ruffling his hair.

“Senpai!” Hinata laughs as he struggles against his senior. Usually, throwing a ‘Senpai’ in Tanaka’s direction was enough for him to drop Hinata only to puff his chest out with pride, not this time though.

“My thoughts exactly! What the actual heck! Girls…here for Hinata…” Nishinoya grumbles, chewing on his thumb.

“They must be here for someone else” Kageyama mutters, folding his arms across his chest.

“You jealous?” Daichi laughs, ruffling Kageyama’s hair, which only makes him huff in anger.

“No! I just don’t see what there is to fuss about that loser”

“Now, now. Let’s be nice” Suga chuckles.

Hinata kind of agrees though, why fuss over him?

The girls are like vultures.

They’re circling their prey, waiting for it to perish so they can pick off the remains. That’s the fascinating thing about vultures though, they can wait so patiently for their target and the minute that vulnerability is shown they’ll strike, ravenous. They’ll tear the meat off the bones and swallow it skin and all, picking those bones clean.

If the girls are the vultures, then Hinata is the wounded animal.

A few weeks later they find their chance and they descend.

It happens one afternoon after training, the team is hanging outside the shop where Ukai works. It’s the usual scene - the third years chat amongst themselves, Tanaka and Nishinoya act like fools, Tsukishima is showing Yamaguchi a new song he found, Kageyama grumbles to Hinata.

Except today it’s different, the girls have joined today. They’re in full force today too, giggles and hair flips included.

Today they strike.

One minute Hinata is talking to Kageyama about how their spike went ‘pow’ today and it ‘whooshed’ so cleanly over the net, the next tinkling laughter fills his ears and he’s swirled away from his best friend and into the claws of the vultures.

“Hinata-kun” One girl giggles as she touches his feather soft hair. “You’re so cute”.

Hinata sputters. What is happening?

“Your skin is so soft and you’re so thin”

“You’re so pale, like a doll”

“You’re so pretty, Hinata-kun”

The squawking of the vultures is the only sound that can be heard, Hinata’s team mates stare in awe and a little jealousy as Hinata is picked apart by the carnivorous girls. They run their hands over his skin, through his hair, over his face.

They squeal and laugh with delight as Hinata’s cheeks turn red. He’s embarrassed and uncomfortable.

One girl seems to hang back from the pack and Hinata recognises her, she’s a third year, extremely popular, beautiful and she’s staring straight at him. He knows her in passing, her name is…Risa?

Hinata’s wide startled eyes locks with hers and she saunters over. She’s pretty and she knows it. You could tell in the way she sways her hips, the way she flicks her hair and smiles slightly at Hinata. Almost like she expects him to fall under some spell. Risa is the type girl anyone would want to date with her dark silky hair, large breasts, thin waist and shapely legs.  Yet, Hinata doesn’t.

“Hi-na-ta-kun” Risa punctuates as she all but throws herself on him, her arms wrap around his neck and it burns Hinata’s skin. It’s not a pleasant burn, it’s the singe of an unwanted touch, it’s scalding and uncomfortable, making Hinata squirm. The vultures giggle, thinking that Hinata is just nervous, yet it’s not that. “Y’know we’ve been coming to watch you practice all day this week and you still haven’t come over to say hello to us once-“

Giggles and gasps turn to white noise as Hinata bites his lip, the cogs turning in his brain.

_This doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t feel right._

But why?

“This should feel right” Hinata thinks to himself. Hinata should like girls, especially girls like Risa that are pretty and usually so out of his league. He should be beside himself that a girl like Risa even wants to talk to him. He should feel attracted to the sensation of the large breasts that are pressed against his back or the tickle of hot breathe on his neck.

Yet, he isn’t.

Hinata doesn’t feel thrilled, he doesn’t feel excited by the touch of a girl.

It feels…wrong. Almost like this isn’t who Hinata is supposed to be. Then what is right? Who is Hinata supposed to be?

The only time that Hinata can recall feeling the sizzle of arousal, the crackle of attraction in his veins has been….when he’s looked at boys. He’s reminded of the volleyball camp and the practice sessions after school. The times when Hinata hasn’t been able to take his eyes off the lean bodies of him team mates, slick with sweat and glossy in the afternoon sun.

The feelings he’d felt…

His heart had stammered, butterflies frenzied in his stomach, his throat was dry, breathing heavier, eyes darkened with lust and a warm feeling flooding his veins down to his groin.

It wasn’t just a physical sensation either…Hinata had tried to deny it before but it had just felt…right.

It made him happy, he glowed. This was who Hinata was.

The vultures strip away Hinata’s flesh, they run their hands over him, pressing their body parts against him. They rip and tear and destroy. Every wall Hinata has put up is broken through, every carefully cultivated mask is shattered.

He’s naked, raw and bleeding.

Hinata’s shell explodes and his soul is exposed for himself to see and…

It doesn’t scare Hinata to admit what he knows now. He isn’t scared to tell himself that he isn’t attracted to the slew of high school girls attached to him. He isn’t afraid of the warm buzzing that fills his body when he thinks about guys.

_I’m gay._

Two tiny words that Hinata whispers in his mind.

Yet, they hold so much weight and…relief. It’s like breathing and drowning all at once. It’s overwhelming.

_Yes, this is right. I’m gay. I like boys. This is who I am._

Hinata is light, he’s a feather in the wind, a candy wrapper in an updraft. He’s floating.

But what comes up must come down and Hinata is shifted from his own personal jubilee and thrown back into the animal kingdom outside Ukai’s shop.

“Hinata-kun? Hinata-Kun?” Risa cooes. “Have you not been listening?”

“Er, ah…” Hinata stutters.

“Really now?” She giggles. “I asked if you wanted to come to karaoke with the girls and I sometime this week?”

“Um, we have a t-tournament coming up soon, I don’t think I’ll have time” Hinata mumbles.

“No, no! You have to have some fun sometime” Risa purrs and Hinata’s fidgeting, sweating, trying to break free.

_I don’t want this._

The girls screech and caw in laughter and Hinata’s blood runs cold when other animals begin to chorus in unison.

Hinata’s teammates who are standing on the side lines watch his body being stripped and fed to the birds.

“Go on Hinata” Asahi yells.

“Yes! He will” Daichi chortles.

“Do it for us” Suga chants.

“You lucky bastard” Tanaka weeps.

“Of course, he’ll go” Nishinoya declares.

_No. No. No. No. No. No._

“I don’t want this” Hinata wants to scream.

_Don’t decide these things for me. Don’t make me have to hide how I feel._

“You’re friends have spoken, you have to come now” one of the harpies calls.

“Yes, you’re ours now” Risa jokes, purring, her breath is hot on Hinata’s neck and his skin crawls.

_Don’t decide for me. I don’t want this._

Hinata’s eyes sting.

“Back off” A quiet voice calls over the roars, squawks and grunts of the animals.

It’s Tsukishima and he’s silently fuming with anger. Yamaguchi and Kageyama stand beside him.

“What?” Risa glares.

“He obviously doesn’t want to go. Leave him alone” Kageyama growls, menacing.

“As if. Who wouldn’t want to go with us?” Risa flips her hair and juts out a hip.

“Let Hinata speak for himself” Tsukishima says quietly as he takes a step forward. His expression is hard.

“Hinata, tell these losers to go shove it” Risa purrs and she turns to look down at the smaller red haired boy. Hinata is looking away, trying to blink back tears. “Hinata-kun! Tell them”

“I don’t want to” He whispers.

“What…”

“I don’t want to go with you” Hinata whispers.

The girls screech in anger, flapping their wings in humiliation. The boys roar in frustration at the missed opportunity.

Tsukishima takes a step forward and places a hand on Hinata’s shoulder, steering the boy away from the girls who are shooting daggers at the small group.

“Let’s go” Kageyama says, wrapping an arm around the small boys neck, protecting his friend.

“Thank you” Hinata whispers as they leave the jungle behind and walk Hinata home.

“It’s okay Chibi” The group says and Hinata gives a small smile to the others when they utter the nickname he hates.

“I don’t think they’ll be coming around practice anymore” Yamaguchi muses.

“I don’t think we’ll lose any sleep over that” Kageyama laughs.

Hinata sniggers a little. He’s glad.

He has nothing against girls. He likes Yachi and Shimizu, they’re wonderful in Hinata’s eyes. He just doesn’t like girls like that….harpies, vultures, carnivorous, cannibalistic. The kind of girls who want to eat him alive when they get the chance. Yet, he feels slightly thankful to them.

Hinata closes his eyes and lifts his face to the sun, feeling its soft warmth kiss his skin.

Without those girls, without the frenzy…

Hinata may have never admitted the truth and he may never had felt a peace like the one he feels inside now.

_This is right. This who I am._

 

The dream changes, gone is the convenience store where Ukai works and suddenly Hinata is back home. Even in his sleep Hinata can feel the sadness and despair that comes from the scene that plays out in his dreams.

_Deep breaths._

‘You’ll make it, just breathe’

It shouldn’t be so hard, his parents love him, and they’ll accept him. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

Dinner time isn’t usually so painfully quiet. Just small talk about their days. Hinata’s father went to work, the kids went to school, Hinata’s mother went to church. It’s getting harder for him to speak and he has to say something. ‘Come on, it’s not a big deal, just tell-‘

“So… is there a girl you like, Shouyou?” His mother suddenly speaks, making him snap from his thoughts.

“U-um...no, not really” Hinata answers, and a pregnant silence follows. It’s now or never. “A-actually-“

“But there are so many pretty girls at your school” His father interrupts him.  “I’m sure one of them has caught your attention”.

‘Yeah, right’ Hinata thinks, remembering the almost traumatic experience at the shop.

“Y-yeah, about tha-“

“Or how about that sweet girl on your team? Yachi-san? She’s adorable! She’s also from a good family”

 _‘_ God no’ Hinata, thinks to himself.

“No mom, Yachi-san is just a friend, nothing else” _Not in a million years._

 God, not Yachi of all people.

“You say she’s not interested? We can invite her for dinner and talk to her-“

“Dad, please no“. His father keeps talking. His anxiety is growing more and more. He has to calm down. ‘Deep breaths’ he reminds himself again.

“Oh, don’t be shy, Shouyou, its normal in teenagers of your age to feel these kinds of things”

This is getting unnecessarily uncomfortable. “Please. Stop. Just listen to me”. His head is spinning and Hinata can’t control his breathing.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, son, we understand!” _No, you don’t_.

“I’m not embarrassed, dad, I-“

“Invite her tomorrow night for dinner, okay? I’ll prepare everything for you two” _Please._

“I don’t want to! Mom, dad, please, I’m-“

“Don’t feel so ashamed Shouyou! We told you its normal. Yachi is a fine girl, no wonder you like her so much!”

“You’re wrong-“

“We’re proud of you, as always. You’ve made an excellent choice, son” He feels numb. He feels heavy and light and so, so tired. He can’t.

_I can’t._

“I’m gay”.

There. It’s done.

No one speaks.

The silence, it’s sharp. So, so sharp that Hinata could hear the fast beating of his heart. He stays frozen in place, willing his breathing to come back to normal. What has he done? He panics, the increasing headache doing nothing to help him in this situation.

How much time has passed? Every second was agonizing and minutes felt like hours. Just when Hinata feels like he’s about to faint, someone speaks.

“Shouyou…” The voice is calm, steady and soft. It’s gentle, Hinata opens his eyes again, not realizing he closed them.

His father is looking at him, his expression unreadable as he keeps talking.

“Honey, take Natsu to her room, please” His voice never wavering, he places his hand on top of Hinata’s, almost in a soothing way. Hinata feels his heart gradually calming down, his breathing coming back to normal. ‘So it’s okay. I’m okay, everything is okay’ he thinks to himself. Tears sting his eyes.

Thank God. Thank you. Hinata and his father are left alone in the room now and Hinata feels almost giddy, like he wants to jump with happiness, he’s relieved. Hinata looks happily at his dad and can’t stop the words as they pour out.

“Dad, I’m really-“, he’s cut off by a fist making connecting with his face, black fills his vision.

Was he dreaming?

Hinata can feel his consciousness coming back to him, and the first thing he notices is the cold and rough wood floor below him.

‘ _Did I fall?_ ’ All of his surroundings are a blur. ‘ _What happened?’_

Hinata feels a stinging pain on his left cheek. The room is barely lit and Hinata struggles to make out the silhouette of his father standing up. Confusion covers his features as he watches his father approach him. ‘I must have fallen from the chair. Sure. That’s what happened. I was talking with my dad and suddenly fell. I know. My dad would never…He couldn’t-‘

“How dare you” He hears his father speak, with his voice still calm. It was unnerving, no longer soothing, it felt menacing “How fucking dare you” He keeps saying as he grabs Hinata by the collar of his shirt.

“D-dad? W-what-“

“What the hell were you thinking?” His father keeps his voice low as he drags Hinata to stand on his feet again, he pushes him hard into the nearest wall, Hinata winces in pain. “Do you think that’s something to be proud of? You should be ashamed of yourself, you disgusting brat!”

A hit in his stomach leaves him out of breath, and his mind can’t react anymore. His father drops him to the floor, only to yank his hair and rear his head back, so he’s looking at him. He keeps talking, yelling and sneering more painful words at Hinata. Every single one of them stabs him in the heart with more force than the last.

‘ _No, no, no’,_ Hinata keeps denying. He wasn’t listening to this. His father wasn’t telling him this.  _‘It’s a dream, only a drea-‘_

“You’re not staying inside tonight” His attention is back on his father, who grabs his arms, strongly and pulls him to his feet.

“Wha- what?” Hinata can barely speak, his fear and his breathing increasing with every second, as he’s dragged by his father to the back door. His eyes sweep over his mother doing the dishes as they pass the kitchen, and Hinata manages to find his voice. “M-mom, mom please” he begs, but she doesn’t show any sign of concern. All she does is stare.  He’s desperate and scared, filled with reluctance and resignation when their gazes meet. It was only a second, but he knows he won’t forget those cold eyes, full of disappointment for the rest of his life.

The sight of the shed in the background makes him squirm in his father’s grip. “Dad, please don’t-”

“This is for your own good, Shouyou” He says, opening the door and throwing his son inside. Hinata tries to escape still begging his father to not to do this. “I’ll let you out once you’re in your right mind again” He keeps saying, ignoring Hinata’s despair. He walks across the small space to his son and, leans down, using one strong, rough hand to bring Hinata’s face close to his own.

“You’re not going to be one of them, I’ll make sure of it, even if I have to kick that illness out of you” He says, letting go of Hinata’s face.

The door closes and Hinata is left alone, the darkness as sole company. He can’t think. He doesn’t know what to think. He feels everything, yet nothing, his mind still trying to process. His heart won’t slow down and his breathing isn’t much better.

_‘Deep breathes. He reminds himself. ‘Just breath, just breath and everything will be better in the morning’_

_‘This is only a nightmare, after all. I’ll wake up in my own bed and everything will be nothing but a bad dream’_ He keeps reassuring to himself, laying down. The ground is hard below him and Hinata shivers from how cold it is.

 His eyes sting.

 _‘All is well, all is well’_.

He begins breathing with sharp breaths, repeating those words over and over, deceiving himself into thinking everything is fine.

He feels the tears finally falling for the first time that night, bringing him back to reality, his reality.

Yet, still silently denying it all.

Hinata blinks as he awakens from his slumber and the darkness outside tells him it’s the middle of the night. His dinner is still uneaten but Hinata doesn’t have a stomach for it. His nightmares have left him feeling not hungry.

Hinata closes his eyes again. Not willing to stay awake and listen to his own thoughts. Sleep offers a gamble and if he wins he’ll have pleasant dreams. Sleep brings Hinata closer to the next day, closer to school and another escape for a few hours.

 

Hinata is feeling sore the next day, as expected.

His legs are killing him, and his sore body is threatening to give up by the time the gym is finally empty. Lately he’s been enjoying being left alone, something very rare for Hinata. Though he knows why this is he feels this way, Hinata still has to be careful so his teammates don’t find out.

‘Maybe I should’ve accept Kageyama’s offer to keep training’, he can’t help but think, but practice ended earlier than usual, and he wanted some time alone before having to go back to…that place.

But…it isnt his home anymore, now it’s just hell. ‘I just want to escape a little, though I know I deserve it’. He thinks with anger as he hits the ball with force.

He’s been trying so hard but nothing works. He doesn’t want to feel like this. Ever since this started he’s felt nothing but confusion, pain and discomfort and he hates it. Having to pretend, to be careful with what he says, how he looks, how he acts, how he feels.

‘I hate this. I hate this. I HATE THIS’. He thinks over and over as he keeps hitting the ball with more and more anger. That’s the only thing that calms his pain. The pain in his head. He wants to get himself hurt so that pain makes him forget. Forget it all.

_Maybe that’s the answer_

Another thought crosses his mind as he prepares for a jump.

_Maybe that way I won’t feel pain anymore_

His hand is almost near the ball for a strong hit. When it comes, it resounds hard, Hinata can feel the energy leaving his hand and around the ball as he sees it falling with force to the ground.

_Maybe if I disappear_

His mind keeps speaking, while he bends down and begins to catch his breath.

“You have to know what your limits are, you know” Someone talks, making him jump in surprise. When Hinata looks up, he sees Tsukishima walking closer to him, already changed, with his bag in hand, ready to leave. He’s wearing loose pants and a T-shirt that exposes his arms and collarbones a little too much.

Hinata now realizes when he has to advert his eyes, he’s so used to it. And he’s fucking tired. Do all of his teammates have to be so freaking hot? What’s with that? He doesn’t know how he’ll manage to live a normal life like this.

“I know what my limits are, thank you very much. I just really like training, is all” He keeps breathing hard as he talks. He doesn’t mean to sound irritated, but he’s tired and sore, and he won’t endure Tsukishima’s teasing anymore today.

“Look at you, you barely can stand-”

“It’s not your damn business!” Hinata knows that Tsukishima might be worried, and just want to make sure he’s okay, but that doesn’t stop the snapping. He regrets his words very quickly though, when Tsukishima shuts up, and just looks at him with an unreadable expression.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- I’m just-“, he struggles to apologize. This isn’t like him at all.

“You know, you’ve been acting pretty weird lately. I know I’m the last person you would tell your problems too” Tsukishima looks down while he says this, almost like he’s nervous and out of his comfort zone. “But, is everything okay with you?”

Well that’s something.

Tsukishima seems so out of place, now looking at Hinata’s face, trying to show his usual air of confidence. He can see he’s really trying, and that gives him a feeling he hasn’t felt for a long time, something he can’t really grasp. It gives him an uneasy feeling, making him want, want and want. But he can’t, so he lies.

“Everything’s okay, I really don’t understand why you ask” Well, try to lie, at least. He hopes that smart ass doesn’t notice though.

“Yes, and you’re an awful liar. Or maybe I’m just too clever for you. That could be the case”

“Look, I’m not in the mood to deal with your crushing ego tonight okay? And I’m tired so, I’ll go now” He tries to leave but Tsukishima stops himself in front of him.

“Okay, hey, I’m sorry. I just want to know what’s wrong with you. You’re acting strange, and it’s unnerving” He keeps talking while Hinata tries to find a way out. “You’re not useful for the team if something’s making you lose concentration”

That makes him stop his attempts to escape. “Not useful? Who the hell do you think you are to tell me that? You always think less of me and my ability to play” He snaps, and starts to move again. Tsukishima doesn’t budge, and doesn’t let Hinata walk away.

“Okay, okay. Look. I’m sorry, I’m just worried” He sighs and walks out of Hinata’s way. “If you don’t want to talk, don’t do it. I just want you to know that I’m … here …if… you know” He says as he looks Hinata in the eyes, leaving the orange-haired boy out of words as he stares at the blonde-boy’s face. This look. Those eyes look at him in a way so alien to him. Makes him feel uncomfortable, week, peaceful.

Hinata wants to open his mouth, to tell Tsukishima that he doesn’t need to do anything for him. To say that all is fine and he’s okay. But the words won’t come out. He wants to, oh how he wants to, needs it, and needs to speak so badly. He looks down as he tries to stop himself from talking, failing miserably.

“I-I…” one more look and he almost gives up and tells everything, but the memory of his father’s angry face, and his mother disappointed look makes him stop. He starts to shake. He can’t- He can’t he can’t he can’t. He hears Tsukishima sigh.

“I know” the taller boy says, interrupting his train of thoughts. Hinata looks at him with wide eyes. “I know what’s happening to you”.

“What do you mean?” Hinata tries so keep his voice steady, feeling the hole in his stomach, fearing the worst.

‘Please, please no. This is not fair’. How could he know? He’s been so careful, he’s sure. His breathing already picking up, he tries to stay calm.

“I know what you are” Tsukishima answers “I saw you that night in the showers at the volleyball camp”

Hinata feels his heart stop. His mind tells him to run, to hide, and to do something. He can’t let this happen again. He won’t handle it. Regardless of what his mind is telling him, his body doesn’t respond. He stays frozen in place, while Tsukishima keeps talking, making his anxiety grow.

“The way you looked at him. I saw it. Saw you. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” He says, getting closer to him.

_Why is he smiling?_

“So… am I right? _Are you_?” Tsukkishima’s voice was so gentle, so soft. And that scared Hinata even more, made him relive his most traumatic experience that happened mere months ago. He had no escape. No way out. He felt so helpless, and couldn’t do anything else but stay there, frozen, looking down. ‘You deserve this. For what you are’, he tells himself.

What made him learn to submit easily?

To lower his head and accept his fate, made him nod his head and close his eyes. Tsukishima sighs and steps even closer, his calmness scaring Hinata even more.

_“You disgusting faggot”_

_“I’ll show you, you little piece of shit”_

_“You should feel ashamed of yourself, don’t come near me ever again_ ”

Painful words came rushing to Hinata’s head as tears threatened to fall from his eyes. Closing them with more force, he prepared himself for the inevitable.

The hit. The kick. The slap. Which will come first? He couldn’t help but let out a sharp gasp as he felt Tsukishima hand in his shoulder.

Touching him gently.

‘…What?’

He quickly opens his eyes at the light touch, and looks up to see the warmest and softest gaze he has ever seen. That comforting look was accompanied with a small smile, making Hinata’s confusion grow. Staring with wide eyes at his blond teammate.

Tsukishima reaches down to touch Hinata’s cheek, caressing it, still looking at him in that way again… the way Hinata had always wanted someone to look at him. Those pair of eyes, never looking away, held something more in them, he noticed. ‘Was it sadness?’ Hinata couldn’t help but think.

 “Did you think I was going to hit you?” Tsukishima speaks with a calm voice after a long silence. “Why would I do that?” He finished, and then did something no one had done to Hinata for a long, long time. He embraced him. Soft, and then tight.

Hinata feels his voice drift away, like it had so many times in the past. But it never felt like this. This time he feels his throat closing, his ears hurting and his vision blurry. Grabbing the taller boy’s shirt, he buries his face in his shoulder. The fear slowly melts away as the meaning of everything that was happening now has him gasping and sobbing loudly. His legs finally give up and he sinks down on the floor, taking Tsukishima with him.

He can’t control his voice anymore. Somehow the words tumble out.

“G-god-“ he manages to say, between ugly sobs and tears. “I-I’m-“

“I know” Tsukishima tries to soothe him. “Don’t say anything” They stay there, on their knees and holding each other until Hinata begins to calm down, Tsukishima still caressing his hair.

“You know it’s okay, don’t you?” The blonde boy speaks after a while. “What you feel… It’s okay to feel it” He lets Hinata take a step away as he begins to wipe his face.

“W-what do you mean?” Once again, there’s that tiny bit of hope. One that he doesn’t accept. He doesn’t want to feel it, not anymore. Not to be taken away again.

“I mean that I understand how you feel” He answers, and takes a small pause before saying the words that would make Hinata’s world light up, that would make him forget what is it to feel alone, and that made him feel hope for the first time.

“I understand, because I’m like you too”.

 

 

That night, when he’s finally in his warm bed, tired and sore, wanting nothing more than to sleep and forget his own life for that short amount of hours. All day, he just wanted to sleep and yet, here he is, without being able to even close his eyes.

His mind just can’t stay quiet, making him feel more and more confused about what happened in the gym just a few hours ago. He isn’t sure what to do. He know this is wrong, this will cause him more pain.

_‘Just trust’_

He can’t. He can’t… he _won’t_ trust anybody. His teammates, they are the only escape he has. They care for him, he doesn’t want to lose that. He lost so much already, he’s afraid he will break.

_“I’m like you too”_

Closing his eyes, he feels it again. That little hint of hope. It’s strange to feel it after so long, after thinking all was lost, after getting used to living in nothing more than hate, pain and sadness. And that moment, he _never_ felt so safe in his life. There, with his teammate holding him, letting him cry, telling him that everything’s okay.

_‘It’s okay’_

He remembers Tsukishima’s words, his warm embrace, his gentle voice.

_“What you feel, it’s okay to feel it”_

A wave of something indescribable takes over him. A tickling sensation, mixed with relief and peace and anticipation. The more he thinks about it, the more he wants to speak, to scream, to smile and laugh. He wants to trust so much, to have someone to lean on, to understand. All this time he’s had nothing but suffering, confusion and unanswered questions. If it’s so wrong, why he feels this way? Was he born to live in pain? Why it felt so right before? Was he that disgusting?

 _‘Of course you are. You are nothing but that. A filthy little shit’_ He’s suddenly reminded of his father’s harsh words. He can’t keep the tears from falling anymore.  Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t he be normal? Why did he have to feel this?

  _‘I don’t want this anymore’_ He thinks, wiping his tears angrily.

After crying for a while, he feels his eyes finally starting to close. As he drifts into sleep, his physical and mental exhaustion winning over him, his mind keeps wondering.

Will he ever feel happy again?

***

 

Tsukishima found out this part of himself a long time ago. He was only twelve years old when he discovered he was different.

It was with a magazine at first, when he noticed he didn’t reacted to the lewd photos the way his classmates did. His first reaction was embarrassment, naturally. He didn’t understand how his classmates could be so excited to see something like that, when the only thing he felt was disgust. He didn’t know what that meant at that time, and didn’t matter to him anyway since he was just a child.

It didn’t cross his mind again, and stayed like that until he turned fourteen. He was put in another class at the beginning of the new semester because of his good grades. He had new classmates and didn’t know anyone, but he never felt bothered for it. At least not until that boy appeared. A very short boy with dark hair that had the biggest eyes Tsukishima has ever seen. Round, brown eyes that sparkled every time he laughed. He started to talk to him one day and then never stopped.

Tsukishima never felt so annoyed in his life. At first, it was so difficult for him to accept that he found the other boy _cute as hell_. Sure, he felt really confused for a while, but he never was the type of person to make a big deal out of nothing, so it didn’t take long for him to admit it.

He never once felt any kind of attraction to women. Not a single one caught his attention, and this cute, small boy was making him want to kiss him every time he looked up at him and smiled.

He knew this wasn’t a serious love, Tsukishima just found him cute and sweet, but he wasn’t ready to date anyone yet. He was young and enjoyed his space, so he wanted to keep his life that way. Slowly, that awe started to melt away, leaving him only with his revelation. His parents didn’t care about that, and supported him so much that he never really felt any trouble at all.

He liked boys, and that’s all to it. His life was peaceful.

And that’s precisely why he was feeling a bit confused right now. He remembered how he felt holding his teammate. How the boy was trembling in his arms, as he let out all the tears he had. He knew it must have been difficult by the way he acted lately, but he didn’t know it was that bad. ‘ _It’s not that easy for everyone, then’_ he thought.

He just felt worried. And that’s a feeling he never allowed himself to feel. But he noticed the lack of smiles and laughs, the absence of cheerfulness, the sadness in his eyes. Of course he noticed. Tsukishima has always have been very observant, after all. Though he didn’t know why he felt so concerned about the other boy. Why he felt the need to talk to him. Why he still feels the need of… _something._

As he lay on his bed, he kept thinking. He didn’t know why, but deep inside he felt he had to help him, felt the need to protect. He kept searching in his mind for a reason. _‘Why do I feel this? Why do I feel like I should be there? Why do I feel like he needs me?’_ He kept thinking and thinking but no answer came to his head.

As his tiredness was winning over him, he drifted to sleep effortlessly, dreaming off light-brown eyes that no longer sparkled, and the ghost of a laughter he didn’t know he longed to hear again.

**

It’s been almost a week and this is driving him crazy.

He made an attempt to start a conversation with the orange-haired boy almost every time he had the chance this week with no success. Now, Tsukishima is usually a very patient and calm person, but this was starting to get on his nerves. Classes were over for the day, and he could go home early since they didn’t have practice today either.

He was far from going home though.

 _‘Where the hell is that shrimp??’_ Tsukishima thought to himself. He stayed behind and was waiting for a certain short boy to appear, after saying goodbye to his best friend. After waiting for almost 30 minutes, he sighed and was about to give up when he heard steps nearing the entrance. _Finally._ Just at the sight of the orange-haired boy, all his annoyance melted away quickly. How? He had no clue. Things like this just happened lately.

“I’ve been looking for you” He started, careful to not startle the other boy. Not that it worked anyway.

“Tsu-Tsukishima? Why are you still here?”

“You’ve been avoiding me all week, and I wanted to talk to you” Hinata looks at him at that, questioning him with his big eyes. Suddenly, Tsukishima doesn’t know what to do with himself. He swallows and keeps going anyway “I’m still worried, you know. And I want to make sure you’re okay” He says, without looking at him.

“I-I’m alright” The short boy replies after a short silence. When Tsukishima looks at him, Hinata is smiling. He smiles, but the other boy’s gaze on him is full of something he doesn’t expect. _Fear?_ His eyes are open wide and he’s shaking slightly.

 _‘He’s still so easy to read’_ the blonde thinks. Some things never change, it seems. “Why are you so afraid?” That makes his short teammate advert his eyes, while tries to answer him without stuttering.

“I’m- I’m not… it’s just…” He’s looking everywhere but Tsukishima, obviously trying too much to not to shake and falling. Again, his body language is so easy to understand, as he gives away everything he’s thinking and feeling without any words.

His sighs, his sometimes wary look and all the shaking. Tsukishima doesn’t need to think hard. With Hinata, he never has to anyway. Which is weird but he chooses to not to think too much of it.

“You don’t trust me” It’s not a question, he doesn’t need the other to confirm it. Not with the way Hinata reacts. Lost at words, his shoulders falling and his eyes still looking everywhere but him.

He’s never going to get anywhere like this. He’s trying so hard to not to snap at him and walk away, the way he would do so easily in a different kind of situation. He never liked to bother too much with things, to make a big deal out of nothing and to waste energy unnecessarily. He’s a practical person, and always have been.

He’s so close to not to care anymore, but the distant memory of a laughter full of joy makes him stop. Surprised at himself, he realizes he wants to hear it again. He really needs to, and it frustrates him so much when he doesn’t find a reason why.

“Um… I have to go home” Hinata makes him snap from his thoughts, and he realizes he has to act fast if he doesn’t want the other boy to run away again.

“Do you like music?” He says the first thing that comes to his head, making him mentally slap himself. _‘Of all the times my brain could’ve failed me’_

“What?” The short boy answered, confused. They stared at each other for a brief moment, and Tsukishima knows to well he may be blushing a little too hard right now.

Looking away, he’s about to retract his words when he hears a little giggle. Surprised, he looks at the other boy again. His giggle is very quiet, and his eyes sparkle just for a second, but that alone is enough for Tsukishima to know it was worth it. He’s attacked by a wave of accomplishment, and taken aback by that feeling.

“Your face is all red” Hinata keeps smiling, and Tsukishima feels warm.

 _‘What is this?’_ Whatever it is, he doesn’t want it to stop. Something pretty out of character from him. Just what the hell is wrong with him, he doesn’t know.

_Whatever._

“So… do you?” He presses. He wants to make him laugh again, he doesn’t care.

“Of course I do, everyone likes music!” He says letting out a little snicker. Tsukishima can’t help but notice the faint blush in Hinata’s cheeks. _Goodness._ He’s smiling too, for some reason, he can’t stop it.

“I was just making sure. Not everyone have the same interests”               He jokes.

Hinata hums, and his eyes no longer spark. Alarmed, Tsukishima speaks again. “Would you like to listen some? While I walk you home. If you want” He says this in a rush, not really thinking. Something incredibly odd in him.

_Seriously. Speaking without thinking? Jokes? Really?_

“Oh…” Hinata seems to consider this for a moment, before nodding. “Alright” he says with a small smile. They start to walk, each one with an earphone as they listen one of the blonde’s playlists. Hinata chooses the songs and Tsukishima is impressed. It’s like they’re speaking without words, in a way that is easier to handle. It’s quiet, calm, soft, warm. They can think and enjoy the music. They can get lost in anything as they walk a memorized path to their homes.

That’s when Tsukishima decides to have this inner battle with himself later. Maybe he still doesn’t understand. But all he knows is that he’ll keep talking and joking and _smiling_ if that means he can see that smile again. And again, _and_ _again_.

Or maybe a little giggle.

Or a full, real laughter even.

 

 

Music becomes the first thread that connects the boys together, a tiny red string, no thicker than a piece of hair.

Tsukishima used to think that Hinata was a pond, shallow and filled with nothing but Volleyball in his brain. To his surprise however, Hinata is a lake. No, maybe more than that. He’s an abyss.

Once, you look past the surface Hinata is deep and insightful, his knowledge in music leaving Tsukishima smiling slightly, they have similar tastes. Pop, Rock, Electronic, the list goes on and on. Tsukishima is further impressed to know that Hinata knows of some of the smaller indie bands he likes, the kind of bands that play in bars and pubs in backwater towns in America. It leaves Tsukishima stunned.

 Yet, like an abyss, Hinata is kind of mysterious, it’s very subtle. If you blink you’d miss it, yet Tsukishima swears he can see hints of something brimming beneath those eyes that seem full of fire, something sad.  Hinata may be the kind of abyss that makes you too nervous to swim over. Never quite sure of what is below. It unarms Tsukishima.

He’s quieter than what Tsukishima remembers also. Of course, Hinata is still loud and obnoxious during practices but when it’s just he and Tsukishima walking home there’s a pleasant silence that lingers in the air. It’s comfortable, walking home with headphones shared between the two of them. Yet, when it’s time to part ways pleasant silence turns into a thick melancholy that lingers in the air. It leaves a lump in Tsukishima’s throat. 

_‘Stupid, what the hell are you feeling like this for? You’ll see him tomorrow.’_

They have a game they play as well. The pair take turns bringing each other a song. Sometimes it’s meaningless, other times they’ll bring a song that might provide a snippet into how the other feels. Tsukishima likes these songs the best. He likes to take the dive into the abyss that is Hinata.

So after practice, Hinata and Tsukishima part with their team mates at the gate and walk the path home together. Their peers still gape at them in confusion. Because Tsukishima and Hinata? That’s an unlikely pair.

They stop when they’re out of sight and Hinata pulls out his phone and unravels his headphones, handing an earbud to Tsukishima. He smiles as his fingers touch Hinata’s and that familiar warmth flies up his arm.

“What do you have for me today?” He asks the flame haired boy with an easy smile. “It better not be another metal song?”

“Not today” Hinata laughs, he loads the song and the pair begin to walk again. Tsukishima closes his eyes as the pair walk, trusting in the smaller boy to guide his way.

He smiles as the raspy voice of the singer fills his ears and he’s lost, like Tsukishima so often does when he has his headphones in.

_You call it forthcoming I just can’t agree,_

_It feels like there’s something you’re keeping from me,_

_Under the carpet you’ve hidden the facts,_

_The truth’s not a hatchet, you can’t bury that._

_I’ve gone to such lengths to give you honesty,_

_Is it too much to expect the same things from me?_

_Branded a villain when I went astray,_

_There’s no need for lying we all make mistakes._

_So darling…_

_All I seek,_

_All I need from you…_

_Is truth_

It’s startling and discerning when Hinata picks songs, you never know quite what you’re going to get. The day before last Hinata had chosen ‘The Duck Song’. Tsukishima had sworn never to walk home with him again after that. A cheeky smile from the smaller boy was all it had taken for that declaration to float away in the wind.

The music fades away as the song ends and Tsukishima is watching Hinata out the corner of his eyes. The smaller boy’s brows are pulled together and he’s biting his lip. There’s clearly a deeper meaning to the song, yet Hinata is an enigma and Tsukishima isn’t sure it’s his place to question Hinata about it.

Instead, he smiles.

“Passport to Stockholm?” he asks.

Hinata turns to him, shocked.

“Wait! You actually know them?”

“Only a few songs” Tsukishima admits.

He’s blushing because he can see the stars burning in Hinata’s eyes when he looks at him. It’s like he’s been sucker punched in the chest and it leaves Tsukishima winded for a second.

“I love how folksy they sound, but they aren’t – not really” Hinata muses, completely oblivious to the bean pole of a boy next to him.

“You really surprise me, Chibi” Tsukishima laughs and Hinata isn’t sure if it’s a compliment or not.

“Meaning?”

“You’re a lot deeper than I thought you were”

“Yes, your point being?”

“Meaning-” Tsukushima smirks “Sometimes I think you actually do have a brain”

“Baka-Shima!” Hinata spits, raising a punch to his friend. Tsukishima catches the small fist in his hand easily, spinning Hinata around and pulling him after him.

He tries to keep the goofy smile off his face as he pulls a flustered Hinata behind him.

“C’mon, let’s go home”

He fails to miss the panic in Hinata’s eyes.

The boys walk in silence and Tsukishima doesn’t drop Hinata’s hand. Yet, it’s more than that it’s almost like…he doesn’t want to. There’s a weird warmth that swells in his chest when he touches the flame haired boy. It’s almost the same feeling Tsukishima has when he successfully blocks an opponent or when he lobs the ball clean past opposing players on the court.

Tsukishima lives further than Hinata but the path he splits to walk to his house is close to the street Hinata lives on. As they get closer he can feel the small hand in his practically vibrating, he looks over his shoulder to see the small boy is jumpy and glancing around every few seconds, almost like a meerkat.

The moment Tsukishima loosens his grip in the slightest Hinata rips his hand from the embrace. He chuckles nervously and Tsukishima is puzzled.

“Is something wrong?” The blonde haired boy asks, concerned.

“I-I just” Hinata closes his eyes for a moment, collecting himself. “-Just sweaty hands” he laughs.

Tsukishima bites his tongue but he want to ask, so badly.

_What’s wrong?_

_Why did you look so afraid?_

_Have I done something?_

“Is it still hard for you to be with me?” Tsukishima asks. “I know we haven’t been particularly close before”

“No!” Hinata says quickly, shaking his head. “That – that’s not it”

“Are you sure? You seem a bit…skittish?”

“It’s fine – I’m just a bit nervous”

Tsukshima blushes a deep pink at the revelation. Hinata? Nervous?

The possibilities of why leave his head spinning and he forgets about the sadness in Hinata’s eyes or the reasons for his nervousness.

“Ah, we’re here” Hinata says and Tsukishima feels his mood flatten, he doesn’t want Hinata to go yet?

“Hinata..”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Tsukishima” Hinata calls as he bounds down the street, keeping his head low, ducked to his chest. Tsukishima lifts his hand in the air awkwardly, waving goodbye.

_Yes…see you tomorrow._

The thought makes him smile to himself.

He can’t wait for tomorrow.

***

The weeks pass and Tsukishima feels himself growing more anxious. He’s restless all the time and it’s driving him insane. He hasn’t felt this way before ever. The minutes seem to tick by slower on the clock and its excruciating. He wants to go see Hinata. He _needs_ to see Hinata, he has news for the small boy and he’s so friggin’ excited.

“Tsuki, you look like you have worms” Yamaguchi stage whispers across the aisle. Tsukishima shoots his best friend a dirty look.

“Psst, Tsuki…seriously, what’s up with you?” he continues, the blonde bean pole glares at him.

“I’ve got somewhere to be after this” Tsukishima grumbles.

“You mean waiting for Hinata to get out of class again?” Yamaguchi chuckles as Tsukishima blushes slightly. He ducks his head and looks out the window, ignoring his friend.

He’s still not sure why but lately there’s a buzzing in his chest when he’s near Hinata and everything is white noise apart from his voice. When he closes his eyes Hinata is there…this is…different for Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi seems to find it hilarious. So does Kageyama, who annoys Tsukishima to no end with his constant presence these days, but where Hinata goes his best friend is in tow so he tolerates the grumpy king. Why these two find their interactions hilarious is beyond Tsukishima? They clearly know something he doesn’t and it’s infuriating when they won’t tell him, Hinata doesn’t seem to have a clue either, he usually just glances between the pair, his cute face scrunched up in confusion.

Class ticks closer to finishing, it’s nearly lunch and Tsukishima is literally on the edge of his seat. He’s practically vibrating as he rises to his feet.

“Tsuk-” Yamaguchi starts but it’s too late. Tsukishima is on his feet and out the door.

Hinata’s classroom is on the first floor and Tsukishima nearly knocks down a bunch of school girls as he races around the corner.

They glower at him in passing. Honestly, it’s like Tsukishima has left the planet and someone else is inhabiting his body, he’s an alien. Tsukishima knows this too, it isnt like him but he’s so damn excited.

 _I’ve clearly been spending too much time with Hinata_.

Tsukishima shakes his head at the thought, arriving outside the classroom. Students file out of the room, bentos in hand. Hinata and Kageyama are the last to leave. Tsukishima feels the butterflies sound in his stomach when Hinata’s eyes light up at the sight of him.

Kageyama smirks at the slip in Tsukishima’s cool façade.

“What brings you here?” He asks on behalf of the flame haired boy and Tsukishima resists the urge to roll his eyes, he knows that Kageyama is trying to get a rise out of him.

“I’m here to see, Hinata” The small boys eyes twinkle with delight and it honestly makes Tsukishima feel a little light headed.

“You want to have lunch?” Hinata smiles.

“Ah, sure”

“Courtyard or roof?” Hinata asks.

“I was thinking the roof, it’s quieter”

When the group of three reach the stair, uncharacteristically Kageyama clears his throat.

“I’ll skip today, I’ve got study to do”

“You and studying?” Hinata laugh.

“Like you should be one to laugh about studying, Chibi” Tsukishima laughs.

“Baka” Kageyama spits, turning on his heel, smirking at Tsukishima over his shoulder as he leaves, gloating at whatever it is he knows and Tsukishima doesn’t.

Hinata’s a chatterbox at lunch but Tsukishima doesn’t mind, not as much as he used to. In fact, it calms his nerves, it’s a different story for his heart though, that’s beating as fast as a hummingbirds wings.

“H-hinata?”

“Mm” 

“You know that song you showed me a few weeks ago?”

“Wfick wun?” Hinata asks, mouth full of food.

“Let Me know”

“Oh, Passports to Stockholm – Sure, what is it?”

It’s almost like he’s underwater for second or he’s been spinning around really fast because nothing seems to make sense to Tsukishima, he’s nervous as fuck and everything feels muddled. It’s intense. Hinata’s voice is muted and Tsukishima’s vision blurs.

_Pull it together!_

_What if he says no though?_

_Are you seriously going to have an argument with yourself now or are you going to ask him?_

Tsukishima chooses the later, deciding that mentally bickering with himself won’t get him anywhere.

“Well, you see…there’s kind of a thingy happening in Tokyo on the weekend?” He mumbles.

“A thingy? Are you okay?” Hinata leans over and rests the back of his hand against the taller boy’s forehead. Tsukishima blushes as he swats it away.

“It’s an acoustic performance of a bunch of music groups and Passport to Stockholm is in the line-up”

“No way! You’re kidding?”

“N-no”

“Wow, I wouldn’t expect them to be playing in Japan” Hinata yammers on excitedly. “So what about them?”

Tsukishima comes up short. For a fraction of a second he closes his eyes and tries to will himself to breathe normally.

“W-well…I kind of got tickets to the event and…” he takes a deep breathe. “I was wondering if you want to come with me?”

Hinata’s eyes light up like a kid’s eyes on Christmas morning. He’s risen to his knees, beaming at Tsukishima, barely containing his excitement. But, that’s only for a fraction of a second before reality hits home for Hinata. He can barely leave the house now apart from school and training, how would his parents ever allow for him to go to Tokyo with just Tsukishima?

“I’d love to” Tsukishima feels like he’s on cloud nine. “But….”

Reality hurts as Tsukishima falls from his cloud and hits the dirt.

“But…”

“My parents have been kind of funny about me going places lately, you know…focus on my studies and stuff. I don’t think they’d let me go to Tokyo just for fun. I _really_ want to go though”

So that’s it?

Tsukishima lets out an inaudible breathe, his fears subsiding. It’s not because Hinata doesn’t want to go but rather because he may not be allowed. An idea strikes the taller boy. Tsukishima isn’t really one for breaking the rules, not because he is afraid to or he’s a strong stickler for them but rather because he just can’t be bothered to deal with the consequences.

Rules be damned though, he wants to experience this with Hinata.

“What if…” he begins.

“If…?”

“What if we convince your parents that you’re at a volleyball event in Tokyo?” Tsukishima says on a whim.

“W-what?”

“You heard me. They’ll think you’re there and it’ll be a good cover for us”

“I don’t know, Tsukishima” Hinata rubs his arm, looking away and biting his lip. He looks like he wants to say ‘yes’.

“Trust me, you won’t get in trouble. We can even get some of the other boys in on it, they can pick you up and walk you to my house. Akiteru will drive us so we’ll be back before it gets too late”

Hinata’s silent for a long while, a war raging in his head.

“Ahhh” he says finally, jumping to his feet. He smiles as he looks down at Tsukishima. “Let’s do this, I’ll speak to my parents tonight and text you what they say”.

Tsukishima is floating when the bell rings and he walks back to class, his classmates look at him strangely as he takes to his seat with a pep in his step.

“I gather it went well” Yamaguchi chuckles.

“He’ll speak to his parents about it tonight. Hey, can I get your help on something?”

***

Tsukishima practically dies when Hinata sends him a message over LINE that night, telling him that Hinata can go.

He’s even closer to planning his own funeral when Saturday rolls around and he peeks out the window to see Hinata standing out the front of his house with Yamaguchi, Kageyama and Yachi. Yamaguchi spies him in the window and smiles, giving the thumbs up.

Good. Yamaguchi and Yachi had successfully picked up Hinata, seeming to convince his parents further that it was for a volleyball tournament.

“I think your friends are here” Akiteru says, poking his head into Tsukishima’s bedroom. He turns around to look at his brother, face beet-red. Aketiru makes his way across the room, smirking. “So which one is coming with us?”

He peeks through the blinds.

“I know it’s not Yamaguchi or you would have just mentioned his name” Akiteru looks sideways at his brother. “Is it the blond girl?”

Tsukishima doesn’t even react and mischief glimmers in his older brothers eyes as he watches the red haired boy laugh with his friends.

“So it’s the chibi in the middle?” Akiteru says with a chuckle as he passes a sly glance to his younger brother. Tsukishima gives his brother a hard glare, still as red as a tomato. He brushes past Akiteru and stomps down the stairs.

Tsukishima takes a moment to pause behind the closed door, yet it does nothing to stop the anticipation.

_Be cool, Kei. You can do this._

Tsukishima opens the front door and makes his way outside, older brother in tow. Hinata notices right away, he opens to gate and bounds up the short path to his taller friend.

“Tsukishima!” He beams and the blonde haired boy can feel his eye widening. Why had he never seen Hinata is casual clothes before? All Tsukishima had ever seen Hinata wear were the school uniform or his volleyball uniform.

Hinata looked refreshing, dressed in a pair of black skinny leg jeans and a white t-shirt, a blue button down thrown over the top. He looked so cute that it had Tsukishima blinking.

“Ah, you must be…?” Akiteru said from over his brother’s shoulder.

“I’m Hinata” the orange haired boy said with a smile. “You must be Tsukishima’s nii-san?”

“I sure am, call me Akiteru” the older brother said, extending his hand. Hinata took it in a heartbeat, shaking it heartily…perhaps a little too enthusiastically. Tsukishima couldn’t find it in himself to fester that strange feral feeling in his stomach that happened when Hinata was too close to others. Perhaps it was because Hinata looked so happy. A stark difference to how he had been recently…Hinata had been acting a little off.

“Are you two coming with us?” Akiteru asked Yamaguchi and Yachi, who stood awkwardly outside the gate.

“N-no. We were just ah…” Yachi stammers.

“We were just deliver the goods” Yamaguchi finishes, winking at Tsukishima who gives him a hard glare.

Metaphorical feather ruffled, Tsukishima stomps forward, out the gate and to the car but not before he barks ‘Hinata come’, over his shoulder and mouths a few choice swear words to his best friend.

“I’ll see you at school, Yachi-san! Yamaguchi-kun!”

“Have a nice time you two!” Yachi swoons and Yamaguchi smirks as the pair scramble into Akiteru’s car.

Hinata waves happily to his two friends as the car pulls out of the drive way, Tsukishima doesn’t take any notice, too busy silently panicking that he’s now confined in a car with Hinata for the next few hours.

He doesn’t need to worry though the car ride seems to be over in the blink of an eyes and they’re standing in front of the concert hall. Huge posters are plastered everywhere with lists of bands and groups who are playing at the event, Tsukishima feels relieved they are at the right place.

Tsukshima watches Hinata with awe...he’s just so happy.

Almost like how he used to be – the happy go lucky ball of sunshine. Tsukishima realises just how much he’s missed the smile that lights up Hinata face and the blonde haired boy feels a matching grin spread across his own face.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here! I’m so excited! Tsuki! This is amazing!” Tsukishima blushes scarlet at the nickname.

“I think we have to show our tickets here” Tsukishima mumbles as he pulls the tickets from his pocket. The two exchange their tickets for stamps and wrist bands.

“Show these to get back into the venue when you leave” the man at the desk grumbles, mouth to hand, clearly hating his job. Hinata pays not attention.

“Thank you so much!” Hinata all but shouts, bounding forward into the concern hall.

“Baka! Wait!” Tsukishima bites as Hinata disappears into the crowd of people. Hinata wheels around a few feet in front of the blonde hair boy and bounces back to his side.

He reaches for Tsukishima’s hand and the act is so free and so unlike the cautious Hinata that Tsukishima has gotten used to recently that it leaves Tsukishima in a tailspin, he sputters like an idiot.

“Wha? Huh?”

“So we don’t get lost” Hinata smiles sweetly up at the blonde. “I think our door is this way”

Tsukishima can only putter along behind like an idiot – because that’s what Hinata does to him, he leaves him dumbfounded.

People were still filing slowly in the room – a fact that works out well in the pair’s favour as they are able to find themselves close enough to the stage.

“We’ve got about 5 minutes until it starts” Tsukishima says, glancing down at his watch. Hinata is jumping up and down besides Tsukishima and he can’t help but smile like a dork, ruffling the smaller boy’s hair. “Excited are we?”

“No shit” Hinata snorts playfully, giving the taller boy a friendly shove.

The pair talk for the few remaining minutes, nothing series. They talk about the songs they want to hear and other groups in the line-up with strange names.

“Grass-Fed Ravens?” Hinata snorts looking down at the pamphlets they were given when they entered the hall.

“What about this one?” Tsukishima says, leaning over Hinata. His breath curls over the back of the smaller boy’s neck and he has to bite his cheek to stifle a shiver. “The Yellow Cowboys?”

Hinata laughs.

“It takes all sorts I guess” Tsukishima snorts and opens his mouth to talk but he’s quickly cut off as the first group takes to the stage.

 “It’s starting!” Hinata squeals, latching onto Tsukishima’s arm. Hinata’s finger nails leave little crescent indents on his arm yet Tsukishima doesn’t mind.

“Shh, I’m trying to listen Chibi”

“Baka” Hinata sticks his tongue and something indecent swells in Tsukishima’s mind.

He distracts himself by turning his attention to the stage. The first group begins their set and Tsukishima finds himself bobbing his head – this bad isn’t his usual style but he doesn’t mind them. Hinata on the other hand has a foul look on his face.

“You don’t like them?”

“Not really” Hinata shakes his head and Tsukishima hums.

The next hour and a bit is a flurry of artists and bands that neither Tsukishima or Hinata had heard before – some they never wanted to hear again. Passports to Stockholm is one of the last groups to appear and Hinata stares open mouthed in awe, it would be kind of comical if Tsukishima wasn’t staring at Hinata is a similar way.

After the first few songs, the group finally launches into ‘Let Me Know’ and Tsukishima physically feels Hinata’s mood drop, he’s no longer shifting from foot to food or shaking Tsukishima whenever he hears a new song he likes. He rooted still, eyes closed, clutching the sleeve of Tsukishima’s shirt, the other wrapped around his waist, like he’s trying to protect himself.

Tsukishima doesn’t tear his eyes away from the smaller haired boy as he watches his brows crease. He watches as the smaller boy mouth the lyrics to himself.

His heart cracks and he doesn’t know why. Pain rolls off the smaller boy in waves and Tsukishima doesn’t dare to say anything, almost like he’s stumbled across a small dear in the woods. One snap of a twig and the moment is gone.

The song ends and Hinata turns his head downwards, blinking away tears. The song is almost like a cry for help.

“Are you okay?”

Hinata shrugs off a sniffle and gives Tsukishima a shaky smile.

“I’m fine”

“No you aren’t”

“That song just hits home a bit. Leave it, please”

_Question him. Push the envelope._

Tsukishima chooses to ignore his mental rambling. Hinata hasn’t been this happy in a long time and Tsukishima doesn’t want to ruin this.

“Do you want a drink?” Tsukishima says instead, smiling. Hinata smiles back, slipping back into his carefree mood.

“Sure”

This time Tsukishima doesn’t jump when Hinata silently slides his hand into his.

 

***

The concert finishes earlier than expected when the last band – The Grass-Fed Ravens pull out due to sickness.

Akiteru is only a text message away and soon the boys have piled into the backseat, chatting excitedly about the acts they liked and the bands they didn’t.

“You enjoyed it though right?” Akiteru says brightly, catching Tsukishima’s eyes in the rear-view mirror, smiling warmly at his younger brother.

“Yeah we did! It was great, right Hinata?” Tsukshima exclaims, only to be met with silence as he feels a bump against his shoulder.

Hinata’s head is pressed against the taller boys arm. Tsukishima’s eyes go wide as looks at the sleeping boy – Hinata snores lightly.

A funny look crosses Tsukishima’s face as he feels his skin heat, he looks out the window.

“Pfft” Akiteru snickers from the front seat of the car.

“Don’t you start” the younger brother hisses.

“I have no clue what you are going on about” Akiteru sings quietly, innocently.

“Keep it that way” Tsukishima spits.

Normally, he’d take a swipe to brother’s head or a punch in the arm. He doesn’t dare move though. In spite of himself, Tsukishima enjoys the pleasant warmth against his arm. Slowly, as the car sets a steady pace, Tsukishima finds his own eyes getting heavy and he presses his head to the top of flame haired boys head.

When the car comes to a sudden halt some time later, Tsukishima is jolted away.

“We’re home” Akiretu announces, he smiles coyly down at Tsukishima’s lap and the blonde haired boy’s eyes follow to see Hinata asleep on his lap.

Tsukishima makes a small noise – almost a whimper and then clamps a hand over his mouth.

What the fuck was that, Kei

Akiteru throws his head back in laughter and Hinata bolts upright.

“What? Who?” he mumbles sleeping, rubbing fists into his eyes.

“You’re so obvious, Kei” The older brother laughs.

“What?”

“You can’t be that dense” Akiteru continues to cackle. “We’re here Hinata”

Hinata looks crestfallen immediately.

“Oh, we’re back so soon?”

“Yeah, I can take you home if you’d like”

“Ah – “ Hinata begins to panic.

“No” Tsukishima interrupts. “We’re early. Hinata, do you want to go to the park for a bit?”

_Don’t go home yet…_

Hinata looks relieved.

“Sure”

The park is a quick walk up the top of the hill and the pair find themselves only walking for five minutes before they reached their destination. Hinata’s mood was still jovial as he danced across the grass, immediately over to the swings. He fell into the seat, smiling at Tsukishima who was still walking across the park.

“Tsukshimi! Over here!” Tsukishima rolls his eyes. He can clearly see Hinata, he’s right in front of him. That doesn’t stop the small smile that forms on his face.

Tsukishima drops down into the swing next to Hinata.

“Y’know Tsukishima “ Hinata says, kicking his shoes in the sand. “Thank you”

“What for?”

“For today, for everything. I haven’t had so much fun in ages”

Hinata kicks off from the ground and propels himself in the air, swinging back and forth and the vision is so right. Like a bird, he belongs in the sky, he’s a vision on and off the court.

Maybe that’s what worries Tsukishima.

The idea that one day Hinata will fire up those wings and fly away, somewhere Tsukishima won’t be able to reach him. The idea makes Tsukishima break out into a cold sweat, ice filling his veins.

And then Hinata turns to him again, at the high point of his swing, golden sunset shinning in his hair, sad eyes and bright smile.

“Mostly though, thank you for being my friend, _Tsuki_ ”

Just like that…the last chips fall away and Tsukishima feels himself exposed.

He’s done fighting whatever this is. He’s done resisting.

Because he knows what it is and the revelation crushes him like a hammer smashing glass.

He has a crush on Hinata.

No. It’s _more_ than that.

Tsukishima is _in love_ with the sunshine boy and the smile on his face leaves Tsukishima breathless, winded. He’s destroyed and ruined. He’s been stabbed and he’s bleeding mushy feelings all over the sand beneath him. He’s obliterated. He can feel every nerve ending in his body pulse, the synapses in his brain shooting sparks at one another.

Tsukishima watches as Hinata propels himself forward for one final swing, flinging himself from the seat and through the air.

 He wants to trap the flame haired boy, he thinks sadly. Put him a cage, a pretty little song bird.

Tsukihima can’t stand the thought of Hinata flying away. As much as he wanted to, he never would though.

Because a free and happy Hinata, smiling as he flies through the air is the most beautiful sight in the world. It’s the same look Hinata has when he soars above the net.

Like he wants to leave it all behind, like he’s running from something.

But maybe, just maybe – where he’s running too…Tsukishima can go too.

 

 

“-seriously though, my hair is still covered in dirt!”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t expect it. You knew I was going to push you!”

“Don’t care!”

The orange boy keeps whining as they walk, trying to take all the remaining leaves out of his hair. Tsukishima was pushing him higher and higher on the swings and then, he just got lost in the sight of the sky. It took one moment to lose his balance and fall. It wouldn’t be a big deal, if his body wasn’t already sore from… well, his parents.

He did his best to hide though, cause he didn’t regret any single thing of this day. It was the best he’d had for a long time.

“Here it’s fine, Tsuki”

The smaller boy smiled at the blond, when they reached his neighbourhood. He didn’t want to risk the only good thing in his life besides his sister. Tsuki just smiled back, saying nothing. He never ask unnecessary questions, or pushes Hinata to explain, and the small boy is so grateful.

“Do you want to meet here tomorrow for school?” Tsuki tries to not let it show how much he wants him to stay, to go home with him. How much he feels something is not right. He doesn’t show it, doesn’t tell him when the smaller boy turns to look at him.

“Of course! I’ll see you tomorrow” He smiles beautifully, his eyes are shining and Tsuki can’t stop himself. He doesn’t, when he realises he’d planted a little kiss on the other’s cheek.

He can feel Hinata’s face burning. Or it’s his own? It’s a possibility, since he feels his heart stammering in his chest so hard. His gaze is fixed on the floor, waiting for a reaction, anything that stops him from cursing and punching himself for not thinking straight. _Ha!_

Since when he doesn’t think before acting? Since when is he so careless? Being in love is making a mess of him, but he doesn’t know if it’s such a bad thing.

No, it’s _definitely not_ a bad thing, he realises, when he feels Hinata’s hand on the side of his face, and Hinata’s soft lips on his own cheek.

“ _Thank you”_ The orange-haired boy whispers quietly. That small act, and those small words in such a tune, makes Tsuki want to fall on his knees and start making promises, although his throat is closed.

Still, when he manages to ask _what for_ , the smaller boy already turned around and is running fast, screaming goodbye to him, being so endearing, in a way only he knows, somehow.

Tsuki can’t help but start giggling, not caring anymore. _He just doesn’t care anymore._

He is in love.

 

He’s still blushing.

 _God, make the blushing stop._ His dad will see and everything will be ruined. He can’t help it, as he nears his house. His blond teammate is just too cute for his own good, making Hinata feel all giddy and light and happy. And making him feel so anxious at the same time, because he _knows_ what it means.

‘God, damn you. Stupid, soft heart.’ He’s so distracted with his thoughts that he doesn’t realises he’s already on his way to his bedroom. Or at least, that was his intention.

“You lied”

His heart stops. That voice will haunt him all his life. ‘Please, God. Not today, not now’.

“Of course, you thought I was going to leave you go and do whatever you like just like that” His father never raises his voice to him, and it’s ten times scarier. The small boy is still glued to the ground. He can’t move. “Perhaps your brain isn’t working properly? Is your sickness finally damaging your ability to think?”

The voice gets closer and closer. HInata’s senses are amplified, after all these months, he recognized every sound. His father’s heavy steps, his belt being loosened. He shivers, his body already feeling the stinging pain, and he wants to cry, to scream, to run. But he keeps his body still, not wanting to get things worse for him.

“Are you really so dumb, son? Such a disappointment, trying to be your disgusting self, when you should feel ashamed” Hinata doesn’t listen anymore, since it’s something he always hears. Doesn’t care, just wants this to be over. His father has his belt already on his hand. Hinata is expecting the hit, but all that comes is a hand on his shoulder, and his father breath on is ear.

“And, as if that wasn’t enough, you just have to run off to kiss that disgusting blonde fag, too”

The hand on his shoulders tights when Hinata tries to turn around. Just the brief mention of Tsuki on the mouth of his father makes him want to throw up.

“Dad, please don’t-“ He desperately tries, when his father pushes him to the nearest wall.

“Do I need to take care of him, too? Huh? Do you want that son?”

God help him, no. His father can’t do that. He won’t let him, he wants to fight, to protect, but he’s so pathetically scared of his dad.

“Please don’t, he didn’t do anything, he’s not like me! Please!” He cries. His face staining with fat tears. He feels so desperate. “Don’t hurt him, please!” He keeps begging, while he tries to break free from his father’s grasp.

“Don’t raise you voice” The older man says in a deep voice, making Hinata cringe. “I’ll do what it takes to make you understand that you are sick” His father turns him around and starts to take of his son’s shirt.

“And if I have to beat the shit out of that other boy too I will”

“I’LL DO ANYTHING!” He starts to hyperventilate. This can’t be happening. Tsuki can’t get hurt. He’s the best thing that happened to him after all this time. “Please, I’ll do everything you say, just please-“

He cuts of his desperate crying when he feels his dad’s belt on his back.

He’d learned to make no sound while he’s being hit. He just releases silent tears and quiet gasps of pain. With his hand covering his mouth, he waits for the hitting to stop. Waits for his father to get tired.

“You won’t see him anymore. You won’t see anyone. You’ll walk straight home after school, _alone._ ” His father says after what it felt like eternity, and Hinata nods yes to everything. “No more volleyball practice until I tell you otherwise. If you disobey me, you won’t hear a warning from me this time. Understood?”

The short boy just nodded over and over. He keeps crying until his father dismisses him to his room. His mother does their rutine, while he makes up his mind.

He has to protect him. Even if this is the only way he can do it. To break everything. To hurt him, so he stays away.

To make him hate him, so he’s safe. Even if he has to live this hell all his life. He’ll do anything.

Anything for him.

_‘I’m sorry, Tsuki’_

**Author's Note:**

> Well my doves, 
> 
> It's been many a month since I've been in the right head space to post a fic or work on my writing. It became high time for me dust off my knees and return to the things I've once loved. 
> 
> This fic has been a piece that I've been working on since June of last year. Not alone though. This is co-written with my dear friend Sunny (ForeverHuffies) who has been a huge help in motivating me to finish this story to this point. Thank you my lovely!
> 
> We both look forward to continuing on with the second part of this fic and we both hope you enjoy what we've written so far!
> 
> Much love for our gay sons <3 
> 
> Happy Reading, doves. 
> 
> Naminaee + ForeverHuffies. 
> 
> (We also draw fanart from time to time, if you'd like check out our tumblrs)
> 
>  
> 
> [Naminaee](http://naminaee.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> [ForeverHuffies](https://huffsforever95.tumblr.com/)


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